if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
