i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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