from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
