Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
