Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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