Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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