You're so nebulous sometimes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
