wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
