There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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