i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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