I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
