I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Randomize
