the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
