So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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