You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
