Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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