rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
