also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
