do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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