and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize