Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
