ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
