I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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