remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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