end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
