On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
