what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
