Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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