I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
