I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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