I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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