im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
