Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He shit in the fireplace
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
