I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There r osticjed everywhere
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
