The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize