Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
