just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
her vagine was all disorganized.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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