I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize