she was so not down for the gang bang
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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