You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
