don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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