her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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