I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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