The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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