Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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