I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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