Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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