You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
