Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
