Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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