I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
