You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
