are you so shy because you have an std?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
