I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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