just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
