i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
