It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
