I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize