you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
