I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
