can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
