and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My butt remains clenched, sir.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
