you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
