everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
