Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
