Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
