im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
