His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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