i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Panties = found
Randomize
