Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
