The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
