Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
