We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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