ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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