ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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