I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
