Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
