the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
