Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
