meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
