you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
