update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
