i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
