What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
