I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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