my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
