Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
