somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
