I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
