Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
