Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize