Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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