...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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