He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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