he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
